It's been 3 weeks since you went to Heaven. I try to imagine what you're seeing, hearing, saying and doing. Somehow, I know my wildest imaginations don't even touch the surface of what's going on in Heaven. The only things I know for certain are that you are healed, pain-free & happy. I wonder what your reaction was the first time you saw Jesus face-to-face. I imagine you being surrounded by people you never met on earth, but somehow you still know who they are.
I remember seeing your body deteriorate over the past three months and know how frustrated you were because you couldn't do the things you used to be able to do. Right until the last, your mind was as sharp as ever and brighter than a 5-yr old should have anyway.
It's been difficult without you. Every day something will remind me of you -- the clothes Caden is now wearing that used to be yours, the empty seat at the dinner table, Caden seeing a picture of you and saying, "look, it's Bubba!" Just walking past your bedroom is hard, and trying to keep your brother out of there until I have the strength to finish going through your things is almost more than I can bear. I lay awake at night and ask God to help ease the pain of losing you. As much as I would love to still have you here with us, I would never wish such pain on anyone.
On April 2nd, we had a celebration of your life. I had Gwen share the song I wrote for you after you were born that I sang to you every morning for almost 2 years along with a poem I wrote after you died.
I love you, Caleb.