My darling Caleb,
Tomorrow marks 6 weeks since you entered the presence of Jesus and the glory of Heaven. Everyone keeps asking how we're doing. I think we're all doing okay overall. We have our rough moments, but they're not all the time. However, I miss you so very much. I miss hearing you laugh, seeing you smile and watching you play. I miss you coming into our bedroom EVERY morning before 7 a.m. saying, "I'm hungry." I miss telling you to go back to bed. I miss reading bedtime stories and singing songs. I miss you singing along with my phone every time it rings. I can still hear your voice singing, "I don't want to go through the motions. I don't want to go one more day, without Your 'welcome-suming' passion inside of me." You never could get the "all consuming" part down quite right. I miss laughing as you mispronounce it, but rejoicing because you knew what it meant.
A lot has happened in the past few weeks as we continue to adjust to you being gone. Your dad's gone back to work. Some things there are still in a state of fluctuation, but we know that it will all work out.
Caden's back at ELC and loving every day he goes. He's learning so much, so very fast. He's recognizing colors, shapes and much of the alphabet already. And, he's talking so much clearer now. I'm relieved at that. I felt so bad at having to kinda push him to the back burner for a few months while we were almost over our heads with taking care of you. I don't regret it because I think I knew that I would have the time to "retrain" him and help him catch up. I also think that a lot of his progress is because we had to send him to stay with so many people during those 5 months. They all loved him as their own child and kept him learning every day. I didn't have to worry if he was being taken care of because I could tell when he came home -- happy and safe.
Do you remember telling us that you wanted to teach Caden how to say "elephant?" Well... he knows how to say it now. I was so amused the first time you tried to get him to say elephant. He was only 3 months old! But you kept trying. "Caden, can you say el-e-phant?" You'd sound it out nice and slow so he could hear each syllable. He had absolutely no clue what you were saying, but you never let it stop you. Brilliance in action.
Since Caden's at ELC twice a week, that leaves me with some alone time. It hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I think that's mostly because I keep myself as occupied as I can. Thankfully, my mind turns to worship more and more now. It seems I pray and sing almost all the time now. I also keep reminding myself that you are happier than you could ever be on Earth. You are pain-free and enjoying the presence of God.
I've also finally started playing the Wii again. It was really difficult for the first few weeks because that was how we spent a lot of our time together. I'm sure you remember that, somehow, all our progress on Super Mario Brothers got wiped out and we had to start all over again just a couple weeks before you died. We had just gotten to World 2 again. Well, I'm back up to World 6 and moving right along when I do play. I've gotten really into Mario Kart recently. I loved watching you play that in the playroom and in your room at the hospital.
Aunt Jennifer said the pancake breakfast fundraiser they had turned out really well. They didn't have as many people show up as they anticipated, but it all worked out since they pre-sold the tickets.
We received word late Tuesday night that your Grandpa Bob passed away unexpectedly. As I lay awake that night, I thought about our trip to Florida when you were about 9 months old. We planned the trip just so you could meed Grandpa Bob and Grandma Nancy. We stayed with them for a couple of days then headed across the state to introduce you to my grandparents, Nana and Pop. You had the wonderful opportunity of swimming in the Gulf of Mexico one day & the Atlantic Ocean the next. We had so much fun on that trip. You were just learning how to pull yourself up and "cruise" around the coffee tables everywhere we were. If I remember correctly, that was your first time in a swimming pool as well. You loved the water so much that we kept calling you "Our Little Fish."
Your dad is going to his dad's memorial service. We had to send your brother to Ms. Gwen's to spend the night last night so we didn't have to drive to Uncle Terry's with him in the middle of the night. It was Caden's first night away from us since you passed. He had a really tough time getting back to sleep. He stills asks about you frequently. Since he's only 2 1/2, he doesn't really understand yet. When he asks where you are, we just remind him that you've gone to live with Jesus. He says, "up in the sky?" I reply, "yes, sweetheart, up in the sky." He then says, "And in my heart, Mommy." And through my tears, I say, "yes, Caden. He's always in our hearts." Then he'll follow up by saying that you're in Mommy's heart, Daddy's heart, doggie's heart and kitty's heart, too.
Oh! I almost forgot. We finally got your headstone placed yesterday. It's absolutely beautiful. I believe you'd like it a lot. We took several pictures of it last night (actually it was around 1:30 a.m) when we got to Elkhart. I went back out there on my way back out of town and took a few more in the daylight. It looks like G-ma Kay put up some butterfly windchimes for you as well.
I had to take Caden to the doctor the other day. Somehow, he developed a boil on his buttocks. I know how painful a boil can be, so I took him right in. While we were there, Dr. P. mentioned that he'd missed the memorial service and apologized. I told him no apology was necessary. Then he explained why he missed it. His wife has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor and the doctors are not giving very good news about it. I am devastated to know that someone else we care about is going through this. I was so blessed to be able to minister to him for a while during our visit. If what we went through with you was only so I could bring him comfort during their journey, then it was worth it. I am praying for them daily as so many prayed for us.
I also recently discovered that there is a 5k run/walk taking place in Frisco called Head for the Cure 5K - North Texas. It's on Saturday, May 14th, at Frisco Square in downtown Frisco and starts at 8 a.m. I wish we'd found out early enough to put together a team to participate in your memory. I posted it on Facebook to help spread the word. This is the first year for this race in north Texas and there are already over 1,400 participants registered! I got a message from Jenny M. saying that she is going to run in the race this year in your memory and that if we put together a team for next year that we can count her in. I am so touched and honored that she would do this. Well, since I can't physically handle the 5k this year, I'm looking into volunteering during it so I can participate somehow. It's important to me to do this.
Well, that's about it for now. You are missed more than you can imagine.
I love you to infinity and beyond!