Saturday, May 14, 2011

Emotional Week 7


This has been a bit of an emotional week for us. We worked on packing up your bedroom on Monday. It was very difficult to go through your things. Part of me wants to keep everything just the way it is. Another part wants to get rid of everything. Right now, the reminders are hard to bear. Almost every book we read to Caden was yours. Most of the toys he plays with were yours. Even the majority of his clothes are yours. I see you everywhere. It was really hard on your dad to go through the toys. We had to decide what to keep, what to give to your brother and what to get rid of. We filled a hope chest full of things and still have a couple things that won't quite fit. I told your dad that I couldn't handle seeing Caden in your clothes, especially the 4t and 5t things, so we are planning to get rid of them.

Tuesday, I went to see Mrs. Wilson at your school. The school yearbook was in already. They made sure to find pictures to include in the yearbook that had you in them. They also put together a special memorial page to you near the back. That made me cry. Then, they handed me a package of pictures of you. Apparently, when the yearbook coordinator spoke with the group that took the school pictures, the photography studio decided to send what they call a "sympathy package" of pictures to us to help keep your memory alive. It was the biggest package that could have been purchased when the pictures were taken, plus the CD with permission to print more as needed. That started me crying again. One of the things I remember saying to people was that I wished we'd gotten more of your school pictures. We had no idea when those school pictures were taken that they would be the only school pictures you would ever get to take.

Wednesday, I had a couple of appointments. Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone to watch Caden and had to take him with me. The only way I knew to keep him occupied and out of trouble was to take your DS with us. He's learning how to play Go, Diego, Go on the DS. It was difficult watching him play with it, but I guess since you're in Heaven, it's his now anyway.

Today was the Inaugural Head for the Cure 5k - North Texas. The turnout was exceptional. The organizers were originally expecting between 200 - 500 participants. Actual registration was 2,219 people!!! We also raised over $100,000 through registrations, donations, and sponsorships. Jenny ran today in your memory and placed 3rd in her age group. I can't wait until next year. I'm already working on putting together "Team Caleb" for next year's run.

We also got a new air conditioning system installed today. I'm so grateful that we won't have to worry about the air conditioner not working once the temps start getting higher.

Monday is our final MOPs meeting for this school year. I'm going to be speaking on the importance of support during times of adversity. I'm actually looking forward to it.

Honey, I want you to know that I love you so very much. You were my miracle child. I will NEVER forget you. The pain lessens a little every day, but it's still here. Thanks to a loving Savior, and a wonderful network of family and friends I'm making it through. I continue to hold onto Jesus through this time. He is my Rock, Refuge, Fortress, and Shield. He is my strength when I am weak. He is my all-in-all. I am so very thankful that we told you about Him from birth. You were raised to know who He is and how much He loves you. And now, you are experiencing that love first-hand. I stand in awe that you are in His presence and will never hurt again.

I love you,


  1. Tonight I heard the song, " I say a little prayer for you" and I enjoyed it, just sang along with it. saw his smiling face stuck to my dresser mirror. I remember the first pre-school picture that Caleb gabe me, he was so pleased that I put it there. Even more so when I told him " so I.can kiss him good night , even when your not here "
    Then I demonstrated with a finger kiss and he laughed.

    This time last month when I heard that song, I simply burst into tears. It was the song, with my own words ,that i sang in my head to you Caleb every night before sleep.and when I woke and got ready for work, in the vain hope that it would be heard and you cured.

    . Angel, I feel. what you are saying. I am glad you are still clogging. Many friends and co- workers. ask how you guys are holding up.As I bed and place Osbert and his pet Caterpillar on it.

    Until tonight, they rode in my car. Strapped in the back seatbelt .

    Love Aunt Dar.

  2. Angel, This past week I was reading Robert's Sunday School book and last months lessons was on grief. As I read it I thought of you and Richard. I cried because the pain you guys are going though everyday.

    I talked to Stasya the other day and she asked if I watched the TV interview and I said yes. She said seeing you cry made her cry. She wasn't the only one crying.

    I remember the day I met Caleb... Stasya's graduation. I keep that memory of him happy and playing.

    I wish I could be there with you guys. I remember you being there for me when Jayme was a baby and sick alot. Even though I'm not there you are in my prayers and thoughts everyday.


  3. I,m so glad that your belief in God helps to ease your pain knowing that someday you,ll be together again. But also knowing what Joy he brought you and what joy you bought him matter so much. sometimes our journeys though life are shorter then we plan so doing what we can to love each other while we are here helps the passing I hope you have more good memories then sad ones and I hope every day gets a little easier knowing he,s in Gods loving hands
    with Love linda Chambers (Dawns MOM )

  4. i think about caleb now more than ever. i know that you have a piece of my heart and always will. my secret sorrow is overwhelming. i'm so glad that i got to grow to love that boy. and his beautiful family.

  5. WE love and miss you.