Friday, April 15, 2011

Week 3

It's been 3 weeks since you went to Heaven. I try to imagine what you're seeing, hearing, saying and doing. Somehow, I know my wildest imaginations don't even touch the surface of what's going on in Heaven. The only things I know for certain are that you are healed, pain-free & happy. I wonder what your reaction was the first time you saw Jesus face-to-face.  I imagine you being surrounded by people you never met on earth, but somehow you still know who they are.

I remember seeing your body deteriorate over the past three months and know how frustrated you were because you couldn't do the things you used to be able to do. Right until the last, your mind was as sharp as ever and brighter than a 5-yr old should have anyway.

 It's been difficult without you. Every day something will remind me of you -- the clothes Caden is now wearing that used to be yours, the empty seat at the dinner table, Caden seeing a picture of you and saying, "look, it's Bubba!" Just walking past your bedroom is hard, and trying to keep your brother out of there until I have the strength to finish going through your things is almost more than I can bear. I lay awake at night and ask God to help ease the pain of losing you. As much as I would love to still have you here with us, I would never wish such pain on anyone.

On April 2nd, we had a celebration of your life. I had Gwen share the song I wrote for you after you were born that I sang to you every morning for almost 2 years along with a poem I wrote after you died.

Heaven Sent

Good morning little man, how are you?
Good morning little man, I love you.
You are beautiful, Heaven knows.
And I love you from your head down to your toes.

You were Heaven sent, can’t you see.
And you mean the whole wide world to me.
A precious gift sent from God above.
And you know that I will shower you with love.

How I love to hold you in my arms.
You’ll grow up with grace and full of charm.
All the things this life has planned for you…
I pray you’ll look to God for what to do.

September 4, 2005

Heaven sent, you came to us
And though we know not why
Heaven sent you were returned
When you were only five.

We taught you all about the Lord
And what it meant to love
Now we know you know it well
As you watch us from above.

Caterpillars, rainbows, gold
Those were your favorite things.
Each memory of you we have
We share what joy it brings.

We love you, our sweet Caleb,
We’ll miss your loving heart.
God had a special plan for you
And it’s time to do your part.

March 27, 2011

I love you, Caleb.


  1. Barb Prasow (Ottawa Canada)April 15, 2011 at 9:08 PM

    Thanks for sharing your feelings and pain with us. Im sorry that Caleb cant be with you physically, but rest assured he is with you spiritually. He is pain free now and there must be so many other children in Heaven, Im sure he busy and having a great time. Your memories will get you through this, just as your strength got you through the pain and suffering. He was a brave little boy. If there is a Rainbow bridge for pets, then Im sure there is a Rainbow bridge for children. Caleb will be waiting there patiently for you. Bless you and your family.

  2. Love never dies it just changes. He will always be a part of you that is what love is. I love you

  3. God did have a plan for him. And Caleb, you done good!
    You have touched and inspired so many people. I still am getting emails about the love you gave out.
    You make me want to be a kinder soul, but you'll have to sprinkle a lot of that Angel dust my way, this kindness stuff is a bitter pill and my esophagus is apparently not wide enough .
    I was crying today cause I missed you, and wishing we had more time to spoil you, and I wanted to ask you, "is it wrong that I'm not angry

  4. And I can just see your serious face, as you shake your head no. Remember when I asked you that question so many times?
    Was it wrong of me to be so Happy to be in the Hospital with you.Or to be having fun therei?Or was it wrong of me to eat when you couldn't? Or to be tired, and I just wanted to sleep? I love that you took me serious, cause you knew I was. I hope you got comfort in the knowledge that you had the power to nix whatever I wanted, but chose not to. Reinforcing your generous center. Through it all, you were still Caleb, you never lost yourself to this disease and it' s just as heart reaching required treatments for a cure.
    Love you Dude, Aunt Dar.

  5. I miss you guys. Wish I could be there with you. The pancake breakfast fundraiser is off to a good start. I will give you an update soon. love you guys. Talk to you soon!

    Aunt Jennifer

  6. I often think of Caleb. I hear his voice and see his smiling face. He must be laughing and smiling now. It's good to know he's happy and pain-free, but I sure miss him too. We love you guys. Love, Aunt Deanna

  7. Beautiful!. I love your "mommy heart"
    Mary Nan Maberry

  8. Truly beautiful expressions of love for little Caleb.... thank you so much for sharing with us too... Love and warm hugs
    Bella xxxx

  9. Caterpillars, Butterflies, and Rainbows forever. We love and miss you sweet Caleb!!!