It's been 3 weeks since you went to Heaven. I try to imagine what you're seeing, hearing, saying and doing. Somehow, I know my wildest imaginations don't even touch the surface of what's going on in Heaven. The only things I know for certain are that you are healed, pain-free & happy. I wonder what your reaction was the first time you saw Jesus face-to-face. I imagine you being surrounded by people you never met on earth, but somehow you still know who they are.
I remember seeing your body deteriorate over the past three months and know how frustrated you were because you couldn't do the things you used to be able to do. Right until the last, your mind was as sharp as ever and brighter than a 5-yr old should have anyway.
It's been difficult without you. Every day something will remind me of you -- the clothes Caden is now wearing that used to be yours, the empty seat at the dinner table, Caden seeing a picture of you and saying, "look, it's Bubba!" Just walking past your bedroom is hard, and trying to keep your brother out of there until I have the strength to finish going through your things is almost more than I can bear. I lay awake at night and ask God to help ease the pain of losing you. As much as I would love to still have you here with us, I would never wish such pain on anyone.
On April 2nd, we had a celebration of your life. I had Gwen share the song I wrote for you after you were born that I sang to you every morning for almost 2 years along with a poem I wrote after you died.
Good morning little man, how are you?
Good morning little man, I love you.
You are beautiful, Heaven knows.
And I love you from your head down to your toes.
You were Heaven sent, can’t you see.
And you mean the whole wide world to me.
A precious gift sent from God above.
And you know that I will shower you with love.
How I love to hold you in my arms.
You’ll grow up with grace and full of charm.
All the things this life has planned for you…
I pray you’ll look to God for what to do.
September 4, 2005
Heaven sent, you came to us
And though we know not why
Heaven sent you were returned
When you were only five.
We taught you all about the Lord
And what it meant to love
Now we know you know it well
As you watch us from above.
Caterpillars, rainbows, gold
Those were your favorite things.
Each memory of you we have
We share what joy it brings.
We love you, our sweet Caleb,
We’ll miss your loving heart.
God had a special plan for you
And it’s time to do your part.