As I'm finishing up some scrapbook pages of Caleb's final day, Caden walks in to see the pictures.
It has suddenly hit him that he will never see his brother again (until Heaven). He is crying uncontrollably and is totally inconsolable. He keeps saying, "I miss my brother. I want to be in Heaven with him now. My heart is so sad."
Lord, please comfort me as I comfort him and hold us both tightly.
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We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Monday, March 25, 2013
Reason to Celebrate
Caleb, you are on my mind more than ever today. You've been gone from us for 2 years, and it seems like so very much longer. I'm trying so hard to imagine what you are doing today. Do you get to have a party/celebration for the anniversary of your entrance into Heaven?
It's difficult for me to imagine that I could ever "celebrate" you being gone. At the same time, I can rejoice that you are with Jesus. He has wiped every tear from your eyes and removed all pain from your body. THAT gives me reason to celebrate. As much as I want you here with me, I would never want you in that much pain again.
So, today, I will do my best to celebrate your life. I will look at pictures. I will watch videos of you. I will hold memories of you close. I will miss you. I will love you with all my heart. I will remember. I will smile. I will cry. But most of all, I will look forward to the day we are together again in Heaven in the presence of God.
===========
We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
It's difficult for me to imagine that I could ever "celebrate" you being gone. At the same time, I can rejoice that you are with Jesus. He has wiped every tear from your eyes and removed all pain from your body. THAT gives me reason to celebrate. As much as I want you here with me, I would never want you in that much pain again.
So, today, I will do my best to celebrate your life. I will look at pictures. I will watch videos of you. I will hold memories of you close. I will miss you. I will love you with all my heart. I will remember. I will smile. I will cry. But most of all, I will look forward to the day we are together again in Heaven in the presence of God.
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We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Reminders of Caleb Everywhere
As we draw closer to Caleb's 2nd angelversary, I am finding it harder to keep my emotions in check.
When Richard was diagnosed with pneumonia, it scared me. I know how serious it can be and that people can die from it. I was terrified that I would lose him, too. Then I lost my pawpaw. I remember getting ready for work that morning & Richard walked into the kitchen where I was. He asked if I was okay and I said no and practically ran into his waiting arms. I draw such strength from him that I can't imagine not having him with me. That afternoon when I got home, he told me the doctor wanted him back for a follow-up but he hadn't gone yet. I chewed him out while crying and told him how scared I was. He went for his follow-up. He stayed home through the weekend resting as much as he could. It's taken a couple weeks, but I think he's just about 100% again.
Spring Break arrived. We had made plans to send Caden to Gma's for the week. I took him as soon as I got off work on March 7th. I spent the night and headed back on Friday. I went to this FABULOUS scrapbook shop in Corsicana called Scrappin' Goodtime. I spent several hours there learning some new techniques and working on some scrapbook pages before heading home. That was my plan for the entire Spring Break -- scrapbooking. I got several layouts finished and a few more almost completed.
Caden was having a great time at Gma's.
And I was spending every day scrapbooking and crying off and on. Putting together pages with Caleb in them was harder than I thought it would be. I think it was mostly because of the silence. When Caden's home, there is rarely a quiet moment. That child even makes noise in his sleep! But, with him gone...
I made it through Spring Break. This past Sunday afternoon while Caden was napping, I decided to make copies of the newspaper articles about Caleb to scrapbook. Once I started going through the chest with his things in it, I couldn't seem to stop the flood of memories and tears.
Tuesday was Spring Picture Day at school. I was already at work getting ready for the day to start when it hit me again that I will never have another school picture of Caleb or any other picture of him. Our family pictures will NEVER be complete. We smile for the camera, but there is still a beautiful smile that is missing.
Wednesday brought more tears. Honestly, I don't even remember what started them. I do remember Caden offering his sleeve again to wipe my tears.
Today, Caden got a cross necklace from the treasure box at school. When we asked him why he chose it, he said, "I got it so my brother can remember me and I can go to Heaven."
I feel like I'm falling into a dark pit. It's a place I've been before, and I don't ever want to return. It's no fun in the pit. It's hard to climb out, so the best thing for me to do is not even go there. So instead of sinking into the mire, I reached toward Heaven. I continue to lean on Christ as never before. I draw closer to Him and rely on His strength to get me through each day. I surround myself in worship and look to family and friends for much-needed hugs.
I don't know when or where memories and reminders of Caleb will happen next, but I do know what I will do when it happens. I'll be on my knees crying out to God for continued strength and peace. And, with His grace, I'll make it through Monday.
===========
We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
When Richard was diagnosed with pneumonia, it scared me. I know how serious it can be and that people can die from it. I was terrified that I would lose him, too. Then I lost my pawpaw. I remember getting ready for work that morning & Richard walked into the kitchen where I was. He asked if I was okay and I said no and practically ran into his waiting arms. I draw such strength from him that I can't imagine not having him with me. That afternoon when I got home, he told me the doctor wanted him back for a follow-up but he hadn't gone yet. I chewed him out while crying and told him how scared I was. He went for his follow-up. He stayed home through the weekend resting as much as he could. It's taken a couple weeks, but I think he's just about 100% again.
Spring Break arrived. We had made plans to send Caden to Gma's for the week. I took him as soon as I got off work on March 7th. I spent the night and headed back on Friday. I went to this FABULOUS scrapbook shop in Corsicana called Scrappin' Goodtime. I spent several hours there learning some new techniques and working on some scrapbook pages before heading home. That was my plan for the entire Spring Break -- scrapbooking. I got several layouts finished and a few more almost completed.
Caden was having a great time at Gma's.
This week has been one of mixed emotions. While I am glad Caden is having a great time at Gma's house, the silence in the house is deafening. With Caleb's angelversary just two weeks away, I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed at the tidal wave of emotions. The pain of missing him is crushing. The tears flow frequently while I'm alone, yet I am better when someone else is with me. I'm missing both of my boys, but in different ways. At least I know I can call Caden and talk to him on the phone.I had more time to think about Caleb. What would he look like? Would he still be into Star Wars? How would he be doing in school? What's he doing right now? I miss him so very much.
I made it through Spring Break. This past Sunday afternoon while Caden was napping, I decided to make copies of the newspaper articles about Caleb to scrapbook. Once I started going through the chest with his things in it, I couldn't seem to stop the flood of memories and tears.
I've been going through some of Caleb's things this afternoon and just remembering. Of course, that means I'm crying off and on. Caden just woke up from his nap and climbed on the desk to be next to me. He looks at me and says, "Mommy, are you about to cry?"I managed to make it through the rest of the evening and most of Monday without incident. Then, after dinner, another reminder. Caleb used to LOVE running around the living room while I vacuumed. He called it, "making jokes with the vacuum." He would run close to where I was vacuuming then see how fast he could get away before so I wouldn't vacuum his shoes. Monday evening was the first time Caden did it. I laughed at him, loved the reminder, and held back the tears.
"Yes, Caden, I am."
"Why, Mommy?"
"Because I miss your brother very much."
He then grabs his sleeve, pulls it towards me and says, "Mommy, if you are going to cry, you can use a little boy sleeve to wipe your eyes because it's big."
He instantly cheers me up again. Love, love, love his heart!
Tuesday was Spring Picture Day at school. I was already at work getting ready for the day to start when it hit me again that I will never have another school picture of Caleb or any other picture of him. Our family pictures will NEVER be complete. We smile for the camera, but there is still a beautiful smile that is missing.
Wednesday brought more tears. Honestly, I don't even remember what started them. I do remember Caden offering his sleeve again to wipe my tears.
Today, Caden got a cross necklace from the treasure box at school. When we asked him why he chose it, he said, "I got it so my brother can remember me and I can go to Heaven."
I feel like I'm falling into a dark pit. It's a place I've been before, and I don't ever want to return. It's no fun in the pit. It's hard to climb out, so the best thing for me to do is not even go there. So instead of sinking into the mire, I reached toward Heaven. I continue to lean on Christ as never before. I draw closer to Him and rely on His strength to get me through each day. I surround myself in worship and look to family and friends for much-needed hugs.
I don't know when or where memories and reminders of Caleb will happen next, but I do know what I will do when it happens. I'll be on my knees crying out to God for continued strength and peace. And, with His grace, I'll make it through Monday.
===========
We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Through Tragedy and Triumph
February 21st - I called our tax adviser to make sure I had everything for our taxes. As he was reviewing the information, I told him we needed to remove Caleb from the taxes this year. He asked if it was a temporary thing & I had to remind him that Caleb died in 2011. Another "first" I wasn't prepared for.
February 23rd - Caden has finally gone 30 nights in a row dry! In celebration of the big event, we had breakfast at I-Hop (his favorite), a carousel ride at the mall, a trip to the Lego store for more Legos, and new bedding (Star Wars themed, of course). As his big reward, he now gets to sleep on the top bunk of the loft bed we got him several months ago. He was so worn out by the time we headed home that he fell asleep in the van.
piZap.com fun and easy photo editing
February 27th - Richard stayed home from work with what we thought was the flu. He went to the doctor late that afternoon & came home with a different diagnosis -- pneumonia. He said they almost admitted him to the hospital because of it. I barely slept that night because I kept listening to him breathe.
February 28th - I woke to a text message from my mom letting me know my pawpaw had passed away shortly after midnight. He'd had heart surgery the day before, survived the surgery then died of a massive heart attack several hours later. It struck me pretty hard. Not so much that he was gone, but because I don't know if he had a relationship with Christ. I don't know if he's with Caleb and other family members in the presence of God Almighty and that thought greatly distresses me. I wish I knew for sure.
I've also read about people dreaming about someone they have lost. In the almost two years since Caleb died, I've not had one dream about him. I've dreamt about other family members, friends & even people I knew many years ago for a short period of time, but never the one person who's face I would most like to see.
But that's okay. I am assured that I will see him again one day. We will spend eternity together in the presence of God. And until that day arrives, Jesus holds me tightly in His arms and never leaves my side. Through tragedy and triumph, He is always here. He rejoices when I rejoice, and holds me when I weep.
Christ is my:
All in All (Colossians 3:11)
Breath of Life (Genesis 2:7)
Comforter (John 14:26)
Deliverer (Romans 11:26)
Everlasting Father (Isaiah 9:6)
Fortress (Jeremiah 16:19)
God (Genesis 1:1)
Healer (Exodus 15:26)
Intercessor (Romans 8:26, 27, 34; Hebrews 7:25)
Judge (Isaiah 33:22; Acts 10:42)
King of Kings (1 Timothy 6:15)
Life (John 14:6)
Messiah (John 4:25)
Omega (Revelation 22:13)
Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)
Rock (1 Corinthians 10:4)
Savior (Luke 2:11)
Truth (John 14:6)
Vine (John 15:5)
Witness (Isaiah 55:4)
Yahweh (Genesis 2:4)
and so much more than I can ever describe!!!
In His presence is the place I long to be. Knowing that Caleb is already there comforts me more than anything else.
===========
We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
February 23rd - Caden has finally gone 30 nights in a row dry! In celebration of the big event, we had breakfast at I-Hop (his favorite), a carousel ride at the mall, a trip to the Lego store for more Legos, and new bedding (Star Wars themed, of course). As his big reward, he now gets to sleep on the top bunk of the loft bed we got him several months ago. He was so worn out by the time we headed home that he fell asleep in the van.
piZap.com fun and easy photo editing
February 27th - Richard stayed home from work with what we thought was the flu. He went to the doctor late that afternoon & came home with a different diagnosis -- pneumonia. He said they almost admitted him to the hospital because of it. I barely slept that night because I kept listening to him breathe.
February 28th - I woke to a text message from my mom letting me know my pawpaw had passed away shortly after midnight. He'd had heart surgery the day before, survived the surgery then died of a massive heart attack several hours later. It struck me pretty hard. Not so much that he was gone, but because I don't know if he had a relationship with Christ. I don't know if he's with Caleb and other family members in the presence of God Almighty and that thought greatly distresses me. I wish I knew for sure.
I've also read about people dreaming about someone they have lost. In the almost two years since Caleb died, I've not had one dream about him. I've dreamt about other family members, friends & even people I knew many years ago for a short period of time, but never the one person who's face I would most like to see.
But that's okay. I am assured that I will see him again one day. We will spend eternity together in the presence of God. And until that day arrives, Jesus holds me tightly in His arms and never leaves my side. Through tragedy and triumph, He is always here. He rejoices when I rejoice, and holds me when I weep.
Christ is my:
All in All (Colossians 3:11)
Breath of Life (Genesis 2:7)
Comforter (John 14:26)
Deliverer (Romans 11:26)
Everlasting Father (Isaiah 9:6)
Fortress (Jeremiah 16:19)
God (Genesis 1:1)
Healer (Exodus 15:26)
Intercessor (Romans 8:26, 27, 34; Hebrews 7:25)
Judge (Isaiah 33:22; Acts 10:42)
King of Kings (1 Timothy 6:15)
Life (John 14:6)
Messiah (John 4:25)
Omega (Revelation 22:13)
Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)
Rock (1 Corinthians 10:4)
Savior (Luke 2:11)
Truth (John 14:6)
Vine (John 15:5)
Witness (Isaiah 55:4)
Yahweh (Genesis 2:4)
and so much more than I can ever describe!!!
In His presence is the place I long to be. Knowing that Caleb is already there comforts me more than anything else.
===========
We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
New DIPG Clinical Trial Sounds Promising
Richard posted a link on Facebook about FDA approval for a new clinical trial specifically designed for DIPG through the Weill Cornell Medical College. According to the article:
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We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
"This new approach represents a ray of hope for families facing the diagnosis of DIPG. This rare brain tumor has been uniformly fatal, made all the more heartbreaking by its propensity to strike very young children. The tumors are inoperable due to their ill-defined borders as well as their position in the delicate pons area of the brain stem. Radiation has been the standard approach, but it is not a cure and usually extends life only by a short time. Some 200 to 300 children in North America a year die from DIPG - usually within months of their diagnosis.
Unlike other critical diseases of childhood, DIPG has suffered from a lack of funding that has meant a complete lack of progress in survival rates. Over the past few decades, survival rates for medulloblastoma have reached 70 percent; for acute lymphoblastic leukemia the rate is now 85 percent. Over that same time, survival rates for DIPG have remained essentially at zero, as major foundations directed their support toward more common conditions. It is Dr. Souweidane's hope that this innovative clinical trial will be a major first step in creating a survival rate for DIPG for the first time."This is potentially HUGE for the DIPG community. I am praying that this works the way they are hoping. I also pray for all the families who are accepted into the trial. No family should have to experience what we've been through.
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We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
A public thank you to: Battle4aCure.org
October 10, 2010, our world was torn apart. Our then five year old son,
Caleb, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor called Diffuse Intrinsic
Pontine Glioma (DIPG). We were told that 85% of the children with this
diagnosis would die within one year. We began a journey with cancer that would
last only 5 ½ months.
Shortly after diagnosis, a family member told us about the Battle for a Cure Foundation. Through our contact with Battle4aCure, we were asked if we would like to participate in the Christmas Hope program. We wanted desperately to have a “normal” Christmas, but we could barely make it through the day, much less worry about Christmas gifts at the time, so we gladly said, “Okay.”
What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. Our family was “adopted” by at least 6 different families for Christmas that year. We received packages of toys every couple days for almost two weeks. There was one delivery that still stands out in my mind. We were at home watching TV one evening when the doorbell rang. When we opened the door, a large gift bag overflowing with gifts was on the doorstep. We stepped outside to see a lady walking down the driveway toward her vehicle. When she reached her vehicle, she turned back to us and said “Merry Christmas,” then got in her vehicle and drove away. We were overwhelmed with a sense of love and began crying as we walked back into the house.
That Christmas was overflowing with gifts and Caleb was able to be a happy, excited child about Christmas one last time. And the most wonderful part is that our younger son, Caden, was included in the entire gift giving process as well.
Caleb died on March 25, 2011, at 11:45 p.m.
As December 2011 and our first Christmas without Caleb approached, we were contacted by Battle4aCure once again. They wanted permission to send Caden a box for Christmas to let him know that they were thinking about him and hadn’t forgotten him. It was one of the kindest gestures that could have been given. Caden’s favorite toy is the stuffed duck he received from that box. “Ducky” is now a treasured member of our family. Caden sleeps with him every single night and still carries him everywhere he possibly can.
Thank you so much for everything that you do Battle4aCure! As Caleb would say, “We love you to infinity and beyond!”
With much love and gratitude,
The Huffines Family
Richard, Angela, Caden (and our sweet Caleb in Heaven)
***********************************
If this post has inspired you in any way, contact Battle4aCure.org to see how you can help. A "Hope Box" like the ones the boys received costs about $50. You can donate to this 501c(3) organization and bring a smile to a child battling cancer and that child's entire family.
Shortly after diagnosis, a family member told us about the Battle for a Cure Foundation. Through our contact with Battle4aCure, we were asked if we would like to participate in the Christmas Hope program. We wanted desperately to have a “normal” Christmas, but we could barely make it through the day, much less worry about Christmas gifts at the time, so we gladly said, “Okay.”
What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. Our family was “adopted” by at least 6 different families for Christmas that year. We received packages of toys every couple days for almost two weeks. There was one delivery that still stands out in my mind. We were at home watching TV one evening when the doorbell rang. When we opened the door, a large gift bag overflowing with gifts was on the doorstep. We stepped outside to see a lady walking down the driveway toward her vehicle. When she reached her vehicle, she turned back to us and said “Merry Christmas,” then got in her vehicle and drove away. We were overwhelmed with a sense of love and began crying as we walked back into the house.
That Christmas was overflowing with gifts and Caleb was able to be a happy, excited child about Christmas one last time. And the most wonderful part is that our younger son, Caden, was included in the entire gift giving process as well.
Caleb died on March 25, 2011, at 11:45 p.m.
As December 2011 and our first Christmas without Caleb approached, we were contacted by Battle4aCure once again. They wanted permission to send Caden a box for Christmas to let him know that they were thinking about him and hadn’t forgotten him. It was one of the kindest gestures that could have been given. Caden’s favorite toy is the stuffed duck he received from that box. “Ducky” is now a treasured member of our family. Caden sleeps with him every single night and still carries him everywhere he possibly can.
Thank you so much for everything that you do Battle4aCure! As Caleb would say, “We love you to infinity and beyond!”
With much love and gratitude,
The Huffines Family
Richard, Angela, Caden (and our sweet Caleb in Heaven)
***********************************
If this post has inspired you in any way, contact Battle4aCure.org to see how you can help. A "Hope Box" like the ones the boys received costs about $50. You can donate to this 501c(3) organization and bring a smile to a child battling cancer and that child's entire family.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
December 2012 Update
December was another "fun-filled" month (well, mostly).
December 3rd - Caden's well-child visit. He's doing really well and everything is going okay, except for the tummy issues. I was still kinda freaking out about it all because I just wanted to know what's wrong with him.
December 4th - Christmas program for the Early Learning Center where I work & Caden goes to pre-school. About an hour before we are supposed to be at the church, Caden throws up again. Drat!! We still don't know what's causing the tummy issues, but I knew that's what it was related to so we went to the program anyway. The kids all did so well. As a teacher & a parent, I was so proud of all of them.
December 5th - Called Dr. Dave' first thing. She decided we needed to get an x-ray of his tummy, bloodwork and then head to her office right after. We went to the imaging center first and while waiting, I'm browsing the Internet & looking at a scrapbook cabinet that I want. I sighed really loud & Caden asked me why. I told him how much I really want to get this cabinet & that it's on sale, but I still can't get it.
Next stop was Dr. Dave'. At this point, she says that he is still as backed up as he was prior to the last cleanse. She's stumped as to why he's backing up so quickly & we decide to schedule him for an endoscopy & colonoscopy. Surgery is scheduled for December 14th. Hopefully, we'll finally get some answers.
December 9th - light dusting of snow! Not really even enough to stick to the ground, but I got a great shot of it on my beautiful December rose.
December 13th - One last cleanse before his procedures on the 14th. He was placed on clear liquids only after 10am. We had gone shopping the day before to pick out stuff he could eat and drink. I let him choose. Brought home lots of Jell-o and popsicles. Then when it was time for him to actually eat some of it, he felt so bad from all the pre-surgery stuff that he didn't want any of it. I thought, "I must have the only kid in the world who doesn't want to eat popsicles & Jell-o all day."
December 14th - We had to be at the surgery center by 7 am for Caden's procedures. He was not real happy having to wake up early and then being told he couldn't have anything to eat or drink. This was so reminiscent of radiation mornings with Caleb that it was all I could do to keep from crying in front of Caden. So many memories revisited in Caden's words. It was as if Caleb was there again.
We received the biopsy results on December 19th and updated by Facebook on the next day.
At bedtime that night, Richard was reading Caden the Bible story about Jesus raising Jairus' daughter from the grave. Caden asks, "When is Jesus going to make my brother alive again?" Richard and I both agree that sometimes it would be easier to skip some stories in the Bible. However, God continues to give us the grace, mercy & strength to keep going on.
Christmas Eve - We had driven to East Texas for the weekend. We attended the family Christmas Eve gathering as usual. It was quite a bit more somber & subdued because it was our first Christmas without Papa Wilson. His presence was truly missed. We drove home after the gathering and as we neared the south end of Dallas, we started driving through snow. It was absolutely beautiful. I love snow! Well, I guess I should qualify that a bit. I've lived in the south my entire life and can still count on both hands (with fingers left over) how many times I've been in snow. I love how it looks, but I don't like to be in it for long because I really dislike being cold! However, I still enjoyed watching it fall and prayed it would last through the night so Caden could see it since he was already asleep.
Christmas Day - The first White Christmas for Caden and me!
New Years Eve - We decided to let Caden watch Star Wars. He was so excited he could barely sit still. We started with Episode 4. As soon as Darth Vader entered, Caden jumped up and yelled, "There's Darth Vader. You bug face!" Caleb would have really gotten a kick out that. I can only imagine the Jedi battles the two of them would have had by now.
And, Caden actually stayed awake long enough to welcome in 2013.
===========
We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
December 3rd - Caden's well-child visit. He's doing really well and everything is going okay, except for the tummy issues. I was still kinda freaking out about it all because I just wanted to know what's wrong with him.
December 4th - Christmas program for the Early Learning Center where I work & Caden goes to pre-school. About an hour before we are supposed to be at the church, Caden throws up again. Drat!! We still don't know what's causing the tummy issues, but I knew that's what it was related to so we went to the program anyway. The kids all did so well. As a teacher & a parent, I was so proud of all of them.
December 5th - Called Dr. Dave' first thing. She decided we needed to get an x-ray of his tummy, bloodwork and then head to her office right after. We went to the imaging center first and while waiting, I'm browsing the Internet & looking at a scrapbook cabinet that I want. I sighed really loud & Caden asked me why. I told him how much I really want to get this cabinet & that it's on sale, but I still can't get it.
"As I continue to drool over the WorkBox I want, Caden goes over to a stranger next to us and says, "My mom wants a WorkBox. Will you buy her one?"
I am beyond mortified and yet strangely proud of his confidence in asking."We left the imaging center and headed to the lab for bloodwork. As soon as we pulled up, he asked where we were. I told him we needed to have bloodwork done to help find out what's wrong with his tummy. He started screaming as soon as we walked in the door & didn't stop until it was over & we had left the building -- 30 minutes later!
Next stop was Dr. Dave'. At this point, she says that he is still as backed up as he was prior to the last cleanse. She's stumped as to why he's backing up so quickly & we decide to schedule him for an endoscopy & colonoscopy. Surgery is scheduled for December 14th. Hopefully, we'll finally get some answers.
December 9th - light dusting of snow! Not really even enough to stick to the ground, but I got a great shot of it on my beautiful December rose.
December 13th - One last cleanse before his procedures on the 14th. He was placed on clear liquids only after 10am. We had gone shopping the day before to pick out stuff he could eat and drink. I let him choose. Brought home lots of Jell-o and popsicles. Then when it was time for him to actually eat some of it, he felt so bad from all the pre-surgery stuff that he didn't want any of it. I thought, "I must have the only kid in the world who doesn't want to eat popsicles & Jell-o all day."
December 14th - We had to be at the surgery center by 7 am for Caden's procedures. He was not real happy having to wake up early and then being told he couldn't have anything to eat or drink. This was so reminiscent of radiation mornings with Caleb that it was all I could do to keep from crying in front of Caden. So many memories revisited in Caden's words. It was as if Caleb was there again.
"Mommy, I'm starving and I want a cheeseburger."
"No!! I don't want to put that bracelet on."At least we had already made the decision not to place his IV until he was sedated. I knew better than to try to fight that battle. But watching him fight the anesthesia mask was the hardest. It hurt to know how scared he was. I wanted to yank him off the table and just go home and cuddle him, but I knew we had to find out what was going on. Yet, I was terrified of the potential results. The procedure started about 8:15 am, and he was done about 30 minutes later. The endoscopy & colonscopy showed no obvious traces of anything wrong & Dr. Dave' confirmed that he was finally completely & totally "all cleaned out!" He took a little longer than we thought to wake up. When he did wake up, he was quite a bit cranky, but that was quite understandable considering what he'd been through.
We received the biopsy results on December 19th and updated by Facebook on the next day.
We got biopsy results back yesterday. No crohn's, ulcerative colitis, celiac, or anything like that. The lining in his stomach is red and irritated, apparently from a prior virus. Will take some time to heal. In the meantime, we have put him on Prevacid (to help it heal faster) and Gas-X to help with his extreme gas issues, in addition to the Miralax he was already on. We are also decreasing greasy/fried foods and limiting straw usage. (I didn't know you suck in more air when using a straw & he LOVES straws.)December 21st - tragedy strikes Newtown, CT. So many families will be struggling through Christmas without a family member because of one man's senseless act of violence.
His appetite is increasing again and no complaints of stomach pain today.
At bedtime that night, Richard was reading Caden the Bible story about Jesus raising Jairus' daughter from the grave. Caden asks, "When is Jesus going to make my brother alive again?" Richard and I both agree that sometimes it would be easier to skip some stories in the Bible. However, God continues to give us the grace, mercy & strength to keep going on.
Christmas Eve - We had driven to East Texas for the weekend. We attended the family Christmas Eve gathering as usual. It was quite a bit more somber & subdued because it was our first Christmas without Papa Wilson. His presence was truly missed. We drove home after the gathering and as we neared the south end of Dallas, we started driving through snow. It was absolutely beautiful. I love snow! Well, I guess I should qualify that a bit. I've lived in the south my entire life and can still count on both hands (with fingers left over) how many times I've been in snow. I love how it looks, but I don't like to be in it for long because I really dislike being cold! However, I still enjoyed watching it fall and prayed it would last through the night so Caden could see it since he was already asleep.
Christmas Day - The first White Christmas for Caden and me!
New Years Eve - We decided to let Caden watch Star Wars. He was so excited he could barely sit still. We started with Episode 4. As soon as Darth Vader entered, Caden jumped up and yelled, "There's Darth Vader. You bug face!" Caleb would have really gotten a kick out that. I can only imagine the Jedi battles the two of them would have had by now.
And, Caden actually stayed awake long enough to welcome in 2013.
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We still miss Caleb every moment of every day. He is always in our hearts, always in our thoughts, and is loved today, tomorrow, in ALL ways to infinity and beyond.
Angel, Richard & Caden
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